In a surprise move following Australia's declaration that Platypuses do not exist, New Zealand has declared that sheep no longer exist. It followed with announcing that under its new legislature, it was now the premier exporter of Woolly Codpieces worldwide.
Our New Zealand anchor was unreachable for comment, as he appears to have gone off to purchase his very own Woolly Codpiece, so we are instead using local New Zealander "Bruce" to fill in for him.
Reporter: "So Bruce, what can you tell us about the New Zealand sheep situation?"
Bruce: "We ain't got no sheeps. Sheeps are gone. But we gots a helluva lotta Woolly Codpieces."
Reporter: "I see you've got your very own Woolly Codpiece that you're wearing."
Bruce: "That I am. It keeps me warm in those cold and lonely nights."
Reporter: "I'm sure. Do you know by any chance where the sheep may have gotten off to?"
Bruce: "I don't have a fucking clue. Just one day we hads a million sheep wandering the countryside, and next thing you know, they're replaced with Woolly Codpieces."
Reporter: "Maybe I'll have to come pick up one of those Woolly Codpieces. They look really cozy."
Bruce: "Oh, why that they are. And the lady don't mind. She's got her own Woolly Codpiece. Not sure what she uses it for, but hers has an extension on it she seems to be fond of."
Reporter: "... I see. Well, I wish you luck with your Woolly Codpieces."
Bruce: "Thank ya. And if you don't mind, I think I need to change codpieces. This one's getting a little loose on me."
There you have it. The definitive story of the Woolly Codpieces.
Please note: No sheep were intentionally harmed in the making of this scripture... only Woolly Codpieces.
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