cod

Black clouds rolled in from the high mountains outside Karamakah bringing a perpetual twilight that hung over the small town like a funeral shroud. There was an unearthly stillness in the streets, a sense of death lingering in the air. The occupants of this poor farming village whispered amongst themselves of their fears. Legends of old were passed around that spoke of a great evil that would arise in their midst and cut them down with a giant scythe like the crops that withered in their fields.

And lo, did Cod say unto his son Seajus, "Lo, I shall bring mighty justice unto those who do not believe in you."
And lo, did Seajus reply unto Cod, "Lo daddio, wuzzup. You gonna get them coppahz?"
And lo, did Cod say unto Seajus, "Lo, that is what I have said, and for I have said it, shall it come to pass."
And lo, Seajus giggled like a little schoolgirl at the thought.
And lo, did his Fishiple look upon him, uncertain what had brought about this strange turn of events in their Savour.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I slumbered, bleak and bleary,
Over a stained and sticky piece of linoleum floor,
While I slumbered, drunkly napping, suddenly there came a tapping!
As of some loser gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door!
"'Tis some freak," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door –
Only this, and nothing more."

“It’s just like Casablanca, except everyone is dead and there’re no Nazi’s.”

51723 leaned over the table with intent drunkenness and gesticulated wildly with his drink. Eris, be-ribboned and manic, would only blow bubbles in her Banana Daiquiri and make faces at the waiter. Cod floated unevenly through a diluted haze of beer, water and fishbowl bacteria. In all, his audience left something to be desired, but 51723 would not be deterred from his clever analogies.

Court of Last Resort
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT, CONFUSION 19, 3168
No one in particular presiding

One day such a great clamor arose from sea that all of the Fishiples, Saints, Angles, and other people with ears all ran to look and see what in Cod's name was going ON. And when all these eared people ran to the ocean's edge they saw something quite amazing.

The great and powerful Cod was fighting a dark and powerful dragon, whose wings spread so wide as to darken the sky for miles. Each time Cod hurled water, the dragon dodged, each time the dragon hurled fire, Cod dove. Soon steam began to obscure the fight.

“Number 51723, please step forward.”

The woman behind the desk, bland and efficient, looked up from her screen.

“Name?”

The boy blinked. The hill had been a surprise. The breaks on his bike giving out had been a shock. The busy intersection had been extremely unexpected, and the speeding van had been a real bummer. His death, on the other hand, had been relatively pleasant so far. He blinked again, just to be sure he wasn’t hallucinating any more than usual. The woman repeated herself. “Name?”

One day a rabbit was hoping through the forest and he was stoped by a giant Oak tree. This tree was one of the oldest trees in the land. The rabbit stoped to ask the tree how to get to the meadow. The oak then replyed " The horizen has not yet reveled a path for your destiny." This baffled the rabbit and he said, "What do you mean Great Oak?" To this the oak stood strong and did not offer a reply.

(to the tune of "One of Us" by Joan Osborne)

If Cod had a game,
What would it be?
And would you play it with His Grace
If you were faced with Him in all His Glory?
What would you ask
If you had just one question...?

Yeah, yeah- Cod is Great
Yeah, yeah- Cod is Good
Yeah, yeah- yeah yeah yeah

What if Cod was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on a bus,
Trying to make His way home...