fable

And Lo did I begin this scripture with the letter "A". This is a scripture about Sam(p)son. The 'p' was silent you see and thus had to be put in brackets otherwise nobody would notice it since it never said a word. Many have wondered about this silent 'p' and why it never spoke, what fell deeds may have been performed upon its virtue that would scar it so that never again would it communicate. Others claim that since it is a letter and therefore has no mouth, tongue or vocal cords, the silence is not at all surprising.

One day, in a field, by a lake, near a town, on an island, in a fjord that was currently being pined for by a parrot far, far away, there lived a naughty little sheep.

At roughly 10:41 am, Seajus woke up. This in itself was not unsual. He looked to his left. A beauftiful blonde, her smooth curves visibly against the figure hugging silk sheets, was sleeping with a faint smile of satisfaction next to him. He looked to his right. Four empty bottles of ale and a packet of used goat-skin condoms sat on the night table. This in itself was not unusual. What was unusual was Gabriel, chief of the Archangels, sitting on the end of the bed watching the blonde sleep.

Somewhere around Friday there was a duck. Stupid looking thing. Anyway, Seajus and his Fishiples had wandered into a little town on the following Tuesday at roughly 8:16:24 GMT after a hard day of preaching, saving, healing, delivering and telling a duck that was following them how stupid looking it was. They tramped up the main road, around the snooker table on which a pair of rather unordinary people were shagging like rabbits on X, and into the only tavern for a three foot radius.

On a hot Friday in Septober, Seajus and his fishiples decided it was too hot to be wandering around spreading the Werd, healing the sick, taunting the ugly, boxing the Bishop and perving on all the harlots in their tight little kaftans. And so it came to pass that they all hopped a camel train and ended up on the fabulous islands of Kawaii. These islands were renowned for the excellent beaches, huge volcanoes, bad 70s cop shows and the japanese schoolgirls for which the islands were named.

The Apostals came back from their work in the nearby town of distributing food, comdforting the sick, preaching the werd of the Lord Cod and delivering mail which all had thought ot be lost. The told Seajus of everything they had done and he was greatly happy with their work and gave them thanks and blessings and kewpie doll keyrings in appreciation. He took them with him and they went off by themselves to a town called Bethsaidalot.

A teacher of the Law and part time water aerobics instructor came up and tried to trap Seajus.

"Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to receive eternal life?"

Seajus answered him, "What do the Scriptures say? How do you interpret them?"

The teacher looked at Seajus awkwardly.

"Umm.... well, they sort of... love and stuff....erghhh..." Seajus cut him off.

"You don't know, do you?" asked Seajus. The teacher turned red and and shook his head.

One day a rich insurance salesman was walking home from a hard days work. He had been over in Damascuscus going to door to door selling leperousy insurance. It was an extremely profitable venture as lepers never survived long enough to claim and there was no such things as 'wills' at the time.

And so it was that one day Cod looked up from his oceany home and he saw a prince on a Quest for True Love. The prince, like most on a Quest for True Love, had, for some strange and unknowable reason, rejected all the women in his local kingdom, as well as those nearby. Not only was he rick, but handsome as well, and could easily have wom over any woman he so chose because on top of all THOSE attributes, he was also quite charming. But, as I mentioned before, he didn't like this. Instead all these things added up to make him quite bored, so he decided to leave his kingdom.

Once, an indefinitely long time ago, in a place so far away you can't imagine... There was a guy. His name was Moby. And he is in no way related to a large white whale, as this took place so far away you can't imagine. Anyway, this guy Moby, he was kinda slow. You know, a tad dense.