seajus

Revelation
Chapter 1

"First of all," said Seajus looking at the guards, "I'd like to know where you're from."
"I was born in Jerrycocoa," said the older guard.
"I come from Messypotatoma. My parents moved here when I was a kid," said the younger guard, chewing idly on the end of the piano leg. Seajus smiled thoughtfully.
"So shouldn't you be in that camp too?" he asked. The guard blinked several times. He glanced at his older partner and scratched his head.

It came to pass one day that Seajus and his Apostals were called upon to deliver a rather large load of mail to a small township outside of Jerrycocoa that nobody had ever heard of. The town was called New Daitenshun and was situated directly in the middle of the barren province of Knowear.

Matthew
Chapter 2

Matthew
Chapter 1
1. A record of the genealogy of Seajus Crisco, the Son of Cod:
2. Abrabacon was the father of Yousaac,
Yousaac the father of Yakub,
Yakub the father of Judy the hermaphrodite and his/her brother/sisters,
3. Judy the father/mother or Pez and Lifesaver, whose mother was Tamer (tamer than what, we aren’t sure of),
Pez the father of Rez,
Rez the father of Ram,
4. Ram the father of F-150,
F-150 the illegitimate father of Amminadab,
Amminadab the father of Osama I,

And it was on that day (as opposed to that other day, as to avoid confusion) that Seajus Crisco, Son of Cod, was walking in Jerrysalem and noticed and occurence in one of the Chewish temples.

So thinking to himself, "Seajus, old boy, you could use a little excitment. The streets of Jerrysalem aren't the wild life they used to be."

It was about this time of year (yes, this time of year. not that time of year. no, not that time either since that's not a time, that's a carrot) that the tax collector came to town. Now back in those days (yes those days, not these days... no thats still a carrot) tax collectors weren't too popular. In fact they ranked in popularity somewhere between non alcoholic vodka and that oily gunk that accumulates behind old washing machines. The tax collector who visited Jerrycocoa that year was even more disliked than most others of his ilk.

He was covered from shoulder to toe in a black cloak, slick from the rain that poured down around him. His jet black hair was plastered to his neck, emerald green eyes glowing in the harsh candelight. Across his back was a scabbard covered by a twisted vinework of silver. The sky flashed white and red behind him as he stood in the doorway, chuckling softly to himself and looking over the crowd. Children huddled in their parents' laps, shying away from the stranger's gaze.

Seajus was a pretty holey kind of fellow. When asked one day what kind of fellow he was he replied, "A pretty holey one." True story. Of course that has little to do with the events which ocurred on Tuesday September 17th, 13 BC in the small fishing village of Gallileolee. But then neither does this story. Nor does a haddock.

And thus, it was around this time that Seajus decided to...

'What? What do you mean you don't know what time it was? Do I look like a bloody clock to you??!! There's a sundial in your backyard, go look it up ya lazy bastard!! Corr blimey, like I got nothing better to do...'