Submitted by ProphetOfCod on Sat, 08/13/2011 - 19:50
It came to be, in the years before the Coming of Seajus, and before the Coming of the Television, and even before the Coming of the Toaster Oven, that sin and debauchery overran the land. And Saint Ignum did say "Woo Hoo!!!! ^__^" as Japanese Schoolgirls Without Panties ran by, giggling like Japanese Schoolgirls Without Panties.
Cod looked down on the world, and did say "Dammit, they're getting more sex than I am! That's just not right!"
And Cod descended unto the world, and commanded everyone to cease having sex immediately.
Submitted by ProphetOfCod on Fri, 07/22/2011 - 04:17
While sitting at a chinese restaurant, it came to me that there are a great deal of things done by religions to ensure that their food is proper. The Jews have "Kosher" practices, the Muslims have "Halal". But a great deal of careful preparation is already done to make sure that food is sanitary and good... but what about your napkin afterwards?
Here's a ritual to make sure your napkin is proper for wiping your face with.
Submitted by ProphetOfCod on Fri, 07/22/2011 - 04:14
The Gregorian calender just doesn't suit Codism. For two main reasons.
1 - It was made by a royal person because he liked to stuff things in his pants.
2 - It's what everyone uses, and we can't have that now can we?
The Calender is arranged into 9 1/4 months. Each month contains 6 weeks of 6 days each (so the quarter month only contains 9 days). In total, there are 333 days in the Codite Calender, and we begin counting from the Gregorian date of May 10th, 2001 (when the Cult was founded).
The 9 1/4 months are:
Submitted by ProphetOfCod on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 10:09
In Catholicism, at the end of the service ("communion"), followers drink a small bit of wine and eat a little wafer of bread. By the Mystery of Transubstantiation, the wine and bread are turned into the Blood and Body of Christ. They just look, taste, feel and smell the same as they always did. But don't let that fool you, they are the genuine thing.
I figured we Codites could do even better. We'll spontaneously transform our blood into wine! The fact you don't die from alcohol poisoning and continue to register the same as always on a breathalizer test are just perks.
Submitted by ProphetOfCod on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 08:49
Prayer before Sleep
Cod, watch over me as I sleep
Send me quickly into my dreams and make them good and sexy
Take my sole from my body and let it wander throughout the night
Guide my sole home before the morning light
And let me wake to the best dat of my life
Hamen.
Prayer for Success
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